All I can say ...

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give, that's my everything...

- David Crowder, "All I Can Say"

New Baby

I want to love her
I can see her precious face now
So trusting
Reaching out to me, a stranger
With no trace of anxiety
The moment she sees me, she smiles
So young
Yet wiser than the hills themselves
Knowing in her tiny heart
That I could never resist
Knowing that I would not only want to
But need to
Love her

Sister of mine
With your baby smells and sounds
Your round tummy
And rosebud mouth
You clutch my pinky finger
On your clumsy descent down the stairs
The same way I used to clutch hers
So many years ago
My big sister
My little sister
Karma?
One wonders.

What do you do...

...when your heart is full but you have no one to share it with?

Can't lose what you never had ...

I don't care if you think I'm crazy
Doesn't matter if it turns out bad
Cause I've got no fear of losin' you
You can't lose what you never had

Now I'm gonna confess that I love you
I been keeping it inside feelin' I could die
Now if you turn away baby that's OK
At least we'll have a moment before you say good-bye
You can't lose what you never had

-Westlife

He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.

-Jim Eliot

Funny (and embarassing) moments for doctors

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by! Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? " I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six ours and now I'm running out of places to put It!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion She answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar MeyerWiener'!".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name

-from bubblejive.com

Alone.

Sometimes I wake up and I do not know why I am here. 

Not in a "Why am I alive? What is my life's purpose?" existential crisis sort of way, but a simple - wait "Why am I in New York? Medical school? What medical school? Whose bed is this I'm sleeping in?!" sort of way. 

Yeah, its bad.

And what's even worse, in the middle of conversations, with my new "friends" here, I find myself asking -- "Who are you people and why... am I talking to you right now?"  

I never say that out loud of course.  Of course not!

But on the inside, deep down in my secret hidden places, I wonder where my real friends are and I mourn their loss. Because yet again, in the nightmare that perpetually hums in the backdrop of my hustle-bustle life, I'm surrounded, yet alone; hemmed in behind and before, by strangers who know nothing of me. 

Day 21

And so I never made it to chapter 21. Does that make me a loser? Maybe. Does that mean God loves me any less. NO.

And so today, four months later, I have read John 21, the conclusion of his account of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. And I am quite glad I did. The last verse sums it up quite nicely:

"And there are also many other things that Jesus did, which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. Amen."
-John 21:25

Amen indeed...